Significant Challenges

Tonight I sit at day 39 of my first ever 40 day challenge. Forty-Forty – It is a challenge to walk 1 mile every day for 40 days while reading through the book of John in the same 40 day period.

I have not missed a single day on either! Tomorrow I will read those final verses and take that 40th mile walk.

As a Christian, I know all about the significance of the number 40. The 40 days of the flood. The 40 years of Israel in the wilderness. The 40 days that Jesus spent fasting before the temptation…

Which is why I took the challenge. I get it. And it got me.

I also get the significance of day 41… It’s a whole Christian fad. The day after the struggle. I even have some friends who have the number 41 tattooed on their body… It really is a thing.

Yet, as someone who has struggled throughout her whole life, the significance for me is not in day 40 or even in 41.

What has truly been significant to my soul has occurred in these 39 days.

It was the challenge to show up. To be and to do on those days when I truly didn’t want to. Days of being weary and tired… Rain and insinuating Texas heat… It was the temptation to just not do it. Days that no one would ever actually know if I showed up but me and God.

Honestly, life has not been easy for me the past many months. If I am being honest, it really has been more than a struggle. I’ve had to push myself most days to just get out of bed. So, so many days I just wanted to call it quits before the day even began. Anxiety. Stress. Depression.

Oh, I had faked it really well. That was until I couldn’t anymore…

Six weeks ago, at the urging of my therapist, (yes, I am in weekly therapy), I made the choice to take a long sabbatical from work. And life. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t wake up and face all of the challenges of the day, and perform the tasks that were ahead of me. I just couldn’t… I just wanted to sleep…

Which is why this challenge has been so significant. As someone who has always risen to the challenge, where I had been emotionally and mentally, I thought I couldn’t.

But God…

It has been a long road. So much longer than just 40 miles…

He has done the great work in this time of 40 days. So much so that I cannot even begin to go into it without taking up the rest of your day…

Despite the trials, I have made it… To day 39… and tomorrow morning, after my walk with Jesus, I will don my Forty-Forty challenge t-shirt and proudly wear the significant challenge medal I will have officially earned.

I’m not done yet. I know that. But I’m getting there.