Off the Market

Several weeks ago I started dating a friend. A long time friend. My former neighbor.

I’d spent the last several years deflecting his feelings for me. Don’t get me wrong, I had my moments, too, but I wouldn’t allow myself to honestly reciprocate. I went so far as to shut him down a few times. Yet, he did not get angry. He did not hold it against me. He did not leave.

After I moved, we spoke every so often through MarcoPolo or text, but not very. Seeing each sporadically every few months, staying friends, but not close as we once were.

And me, I have gotten to such a whole place in my life over the past year. I’m about to be a foster mom, fully appreciating my singleness, thankful for what I have and not looking to add anything more. Totally content with my life.

But God…

The weekend after my birthday this oh-so-good to me human gave me the moon. Like a literal moon. A sphere on a stand that glows. He already knows my affinity for the moon, so he bought it for me. Two days before this, my first moon (an exact replica) had died. It no longer glowed. And I told the Lord ‘I’m going to have to get another moon’.

Unbeknownst to this man, on that Sunday morning as an unexpected visitor knocking at my door, he was the answer to my many prayers. We began talking more frequently again, and then…

Over a month ago, he finally told me his true feelings of love for me, not that I didn’t know. But hearing the words… they meant more to me than I thought they would. You see, he is one of my greatest friends. He is someone that I have always allowed myself to be myself with, without fear. He has had my back on so many occasions over the last several years. He has always supported my dreams. He is one that I trust completely to not ever hurt me on purpose. He lets me be a total dork and slow dance with God in the kitchen. He makes me laugh and he lets me fall apart. He just lets me be me. Literally every time.

It may have taken a little more patience on his part, but not much. Because he is everything to me that I have prayed for in a man in the romantic sense. And he has been. For years. I just didn’t see us clearly. I wasn’t ready. And God knew that.

Oh my gosh, but this man loves me! Completely. Fully. Without reservation or hesitation. And trust me, I’ve tried to give him his outs already. I’ve thrown all the ‘what if’s’ and ‘I’m going to’s up. Yet, it only seems to bring us closer.

When I have ventured into relationships in the past, I have always seen blank pages ahead. Blank pages I thought were mine to write… Now I can’t help but wonder if those pages were blank for a reason.

Because with him, I don’t see blank pages. I can see our story that has already been written. I see full pages of a lifetime of prayers being answered ahead. And it is so beautiful… I have no idea what those pages say yet, but I can’t wait to read them!

So I am officially (and permanently💁🏻‍♀️) off the market. Wish me love!

XOXO