Fickle Is As Fickle Does

Merriam-Webster defines fickle as: marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness

A few weeks ago when asked about my current relationship status, a friend and colleague of mine called me fickle. I really didn’t like how it sounded, and so I, being me, again defended my dating stance. After doing so, he gave me some great advice… ‘Be fickle.’

I guess one could very well characterize me as fickle. I mean let’s be real… I’ve gone on a slew of dates and had several pseudo relationships these past several years. I find a guy who initially on the surface seems great, yet while on a date and digging below, isn’t really for me or on my level and so I move on. Or I meet and continue dating someone who checks many of my boxes only to find the relationship lacking what I desire most and deserve, thereby walking away from him, too.

Again and again I have walked this path, this road to love. I’ve had the thought, ‘maybe this time’, more than once. It’s that positive outlook I have; believing every human can be greater tomorrow than they are today. It’s been a blessing in most areas of life, but hinders my judgement sometimes with men.

I have learned the hard truth of relationships, and that is love is necessary, but compatibility is also a must have asset.

I can love someone with all my being and they me, but if we can’t find enough common ground to stand on… if we have to change who we truly are for them… it will never be more than love. Love is grand and it must exist, but the moment you begin sacrificing who you are… well, it’s not going to work long term.

I believe if someone truly loves you and you them, you won’t have to change who you are at your center. I’m not talking about putting up dishes or picking your socks up off the floor or shedding an unhealthy habit or action. Those are changeable and probably should change. I’m talking about your values and healthy belief systems. If those don’t line up, you have only two choices; stay and compromise to keep the relationship, or leave the situation.

Fortunately, I have gained enough self love to leave instead of compromising who I am for the sake of not being alone. I would much rather change my relationship status than change who I have worked so hard to become. And I guess if that makes others see me as fickle, well, I can live with that.

And I encourage you as I was encouraged, be fickle! For if we are true to ourselves, our goals and purpose, that is what will keep us growing. And I’m all about personal growth.