(In)Security

The saying goes, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

During a rough patch a few years back, I met someone. We hit it off right from the start. When we began talking, it was like finding a compliment to my personality. He was extremely outgoing. We both had God goals and were devoted to our families. He liked to work out and was fit. I enjoyed working out and was fit. We had a lot in common, so we meshed well.

We had spent time walking and talking in the evenings and were already in a comfortable place together. I knew he liked me, of course. And I liked him.

He had a smile that he strategically used to melt my sadness, and an embrace that chased the darkness in my life away. And his laugh got me laughing each and every time. He was sweet to me and often had the perfect words to boost my self esteem at any given moment.

After several months of friendship, he asked me on a date. And instead of eating out, I decided I would make him dinner at my home. He showed up with a nice bottle of wine and a single long stemmed rose. It was exactly what my broken heart needed.

I overcooked dinner that evening due to a little too much distraction, but it didn’t matter to him. The night was amazing. He was amazing.

However, we knew I was not in a place to begin a relationship. I was not only not ready, but nearing the end of a nasty divorce.

So we decided to maintain our friendship. Which became our mantra. #friendship. He dated others. I dated others. Yet, we would spend our free evenings together, drinking, laughing and growing closer month after month. It was the first relationship with a man I had ever had in which I felt secure being completely me. We became more than friends. We became family.

But just like family, life and outside relationships eventually happen and we slowly began drifting. Time has now passed and we no longer make the effort we once did to stay close. And I don’t know if we will again. Our lives have transitioned to living outside of together.

And not unlike the physical seasons, winter is over for me and spring is in full bloom. But my life will never be the same. Because in my most insecure season, I found more than just a friend turned family. I found a reason… and I now know the priceless security of being okay with being IN. In being me. In my capacity to love. In my capacity to be loved. And in my worthiness of that love…. Not for a season, but for a lifetime.

And because of this, I have learned that life is better lived in (in)security.