Overqualified

How are you still single?

I have been asked the question more times than I care to count. Not just by men with honeyed words, but by women, friends and even family.

My reply is simple… I am overqualified.

If you’ve ever applied for a job that is a bit beneath your qualifications, you have probably heard these words as the employer explained why they can not offer you what you are worth. I personally have heard the words a few times in that setting.

It always caused me to pause and wonder, why wouldn’t they want someone who is more qualified? Why settle for someone with less than the greatest potential?

Dating nowadays, it seems like settling is the norm. People don’t want to be alone when they’re in their 40’s. So they settle. They choose to settle in and settle down with someone they have settled for.

While dating I have learned that I am quite picky. I mean, I knew I was picky. But I have found myself to be just a little more so than even I can answer for sometimes.

And I think that makes me take this whole dating scene a little more soberly than most. Because while I may choose to go to dinner, or several dinners, with a man, I do not go into it with rose-colored glasses hoping he could be ‘the one’. Because while the guy may meet qualities I am looking for, and may even check off all the preconceived boxes, I realize that ultimately, if he is, time will tell. And if he isn’t, well… free food.

So am I looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now? Valid question.

I enjoy dating. And maybe this time is not the time I will choose to put my whole self into someone in particular. But I know who I am. And I know what I have to offer a potential partner… what I someday plan to offer.

You see, when I love someone, they know it. And not just by my words. Or by a few actions I may take. When I love, I love with all of me. I put everything I have ever wanted in return, into the person I love. This is not just who I am with a lover. This is who I am with my friends. Who I am with my family. My love is never in question. I love when my feelings are hurt. I love when I don’t agree. I love when I am angry. I love when it’s hard. And those whom I love know this is my defining characteristic. Because when I love, I love big. I love fully.

So for now, while I may see the potential for possible long term in a guy I am dating, I know possible is not in the definition of love. Possible is just that. And eventually, I will want certain. And I will not settle for a good enough relationship or a compatible one just because it is accessible. I will not settle for a relationship that is better than what so-and-so has or because of what my friends or family think of him.

I will seek great love. The kind of love that I write about in my poems and dream about at night and wish on falling stars for.

And I guess if that makes me a little overqualified for the majority of the men out there, then so be it. I will wait for the one who will not only acknowledge my worth, but will match it. Because I know from personal experience, the overqualified get the better offers.