Princes and Frogs

If you have ever dated, you have most likely encountered a variety of men.

The overly ambitious. The shy. The control freak. The way too insecure. The boring. The weirdo. The perfectionist. The body builder with no intellect. The brainiac with little… well. And of course, the jerks.

To be fair, you may also have encountered some great guys that may just not fit your interests, or physical attraction. Maybe it’s them. Maybe its you. But you just don’t quite fit.

In honor of the green of St Patrick’s day, here are a few frog moments from my many months while dating.

The one who after the first date, while giving him the courteous goodbye hug, takes it upon himself to stick his tongue as far into your esophagus as it can possibly go, thereby leaving you wishing you had a better gag reflex so your dinner would have ended up all over his smug ass.

The one who after five dates, all of which are initiated by him, still has yet to even reach for your hand, much less ask to kiss you goodnight. Courtesy is one thing, but timidity is another. Fifth and final.

The one who, when on your first date sees someone they know and almost leaps under the dining table to avoid being seen, because he is in fact ‘actually kind of married’, altho his profile claims he is divorced. Cause for immediate dismissal.

The one who couldn’t stop staring at his own reflection on any and everything that allows and proceeds to show you (multiple times) pictures of himself at the gym. They can’t carry on a conversation, but CAN bench 200 pounds. That counts for something right?! Wrong.

The one who’s profile says he is 5’10”, yet when you, being 5’5″, meet him, he barely reaches the top of your shoulders. Are you serious?! Maybe he meant 5’10 cm? Did he think you wouldn’t notice?!

The one who, while having a conversation about Marvel movies and comic books, randomly sends you a photo of his penis, making you need to slam on the brakes and immediately block him. Why the hell are you so proud of that thing? Don’t be. Trust me.

And my favorite…

The one who meets many wonderful qualities, and you connect with deeply enough that your first date dinner turns into a 3 hour conversation at the restaurant, only to end with him asking to see your hands and then trying to read your palm while telling you his grandma was a witch. What just happened?!

I have learned that some frogs turn into princes, and not all princes are frogs first. I have met some really amazing men. But for whatever reason, we just didn’t match, which doesn’t make them any less amazing. They are why I still believe there are good men out there with good morals, good heads on their shoulders, good humor, good hearts, and even good looks. And sometimes they may even have a good body bonus. You know, the prince charming kind of guy…

Yeah (girly sigh)…. someday my prince will come… 🐸 + 💋 = 👑