Just Friends

Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection…

A recent event in a friend’s life has had me pondering the question, can single men and single women really be ‘just friends’? (I hear Biz Markie in my head right now.)

So I decided to pose this question to several people, both male and female, and pretty much received the same response. Of course it can happen. Anything is possible, right?!

But how often does it really happen? How often do men and women remain within the boundaries of friendship while sharing single life together?

Scenario one:

You meet and decide to be friends. You have fun together. You get closer by spending hours chatting together over coffee or a beverage. You realize your friend has qualities that you would like to have in a mate. You ponder these things. And then somewhere along the line, deeper feelings form. Someone gets jealous. You speak out on these jealousies and your feelings to your friend. The other friend realizes that the boundary of friendship may have gotten blurry. So you re-establish the boundaries. The feelings continue to grow. The line eventually gets crossed. And your friendship must end. Either by way of choice, or circumstance.

This scenario has played out in my own personal life in the past. And it sucks. Because honestly, not all people can be ‘just friends’.

But there is a second scenario:

You meet and decide to be friends. You have fun together. You get closer by spending hours chatting together over coffee or a beverage. You realize your friend has qualities that you would like to have in a mate. You embrace them and welcome them. You appreciate that this person has come to mean something deeper to you. You share life. And you spend that life not crossing the line, always making the conscience decision to remain ‘just friends’.

I have learned that this class of relationship requires an initial setting of boundaries being established to really work. Friendship has to be the end game for both parties. Verbal rules of the relationship have to take place.

If and when the lines are drawn, and you both allow the benefit of the other’s friendship to be just that, ‘just friends’ can be more than possible… it can be a very true and beautiful reality.