There are moments which happen in our lives that mold us, make us, build us and break us… But what defines us? Is it the moment we fall in love? Or the moment we fall off our rocker? Is it in the birth of a beautiful baby? Or in the loss of someone we treasure? Is it the big moments in life? Or the accumulation of the small things?
One night it happened. I was at dinner with a guy I had been dating for a while. We had spent numerous evenings at the same table, in the same restaurant, having a variety of the same conversations. There was nothing special about the night. Until that moment…
A simple sentence in a seemingly normal conversation. A sentence I had heard from many others, many times throughout my life. But in that moment, those three words had never meant more. His words sent the walls around my heart crumbling to the ground like fine sand, followed by a knowing deep inside of me, that every moment after this, I would not be the same. It was real. It was love. And it was defining.
And then two years later, with another defining moment at hand, I made a very selfish decision and ripped his heart out…
For quite some time following, I chose men who were not good for me, going from bad relationship to bad relationship. Believing I did not deserve more because I had hurt a man who had loved me so completely… I was on my way down and it was getting ugly.
And one fateful night, I finally hit bottom. I went home early the next day from the office, literally sick to my stomach and made an appointment with a counselor, which I kept every week for 6 months.
During that time, I learned that what defines us is not just in a moment itself. Defining moments also take place after the moment has passed, when we are left to choose who we will become because of it…
We all have been graciously given a lifetime of moments. And one good or bad choice, or months or years of them, does not determine the conclusion of our story. While our choices may have defined a period of time, they do not have to ultimately define us…
Maybe that is why I date the way I do. Because after all of those moments, I know what can be, and what should be. And after a lot of self forgiveness, I realize that despite the past, I deserve more than what I had been allowing into my life. And I decided I am no longer willing to settle for less.
Because in the end, we are worth so much more than a defining moment.
Cup Size Doesn't Matter 